i wish i could have kissed you
your laughter lines or your lips
so you could have felt my adoration
all through your endangered body
i wish you could have absorbed the light
reflected from my face my smile
into your blue eyes again directly
without time zones and technology
i wish i could have held you
since that one perfect hug
when we were almost strangers
to sense your queerness
rest a hand on your tortured hip bone
in your new fleece-lined joggers
i would have worshipped your voice
and basked up close in your full attention
which you always gave me
despite the thousands of miles
and the oceans of pain
over which we communicated
and it was love
this is what my soft body craves
to be intimate my dear friend
not parted by seas or death
for all of our orbiting years
you said before you died
that distance hadn’t mattered for us
but it matters
that my light-leaden body could not
galvanise its cells for one consoling meeting
to say yes this has been real
to anchor our hands
before you spun away
beyond pixels and time