I suspected there was a plan to end Donimo’s suffering with medically assisted dying (MAiD). I had been aware of the degree of her suffering. Sadly and frustratingly, I didn’t have any answer to her desperate search for treatment…
The suspicion didn’t prepare me for the announcement.
Being both living with severe ME in different countries, Donimo and my friendship was quiet and gentle; we exchanged occasional communication that assured us we were thinking of each other and care about each other.
Her last post on Instagram was skies and clouds accompanied with a poem by Rilke, instead of her beloved dog Jackson. Then, it became eerily quiet.
Within a week of the announcement, my old companion dog Basil’s health had suddenly deteriorated. After the last vet appointment, I had to make the very difficult decision myself.
A day before the vet’s home visit, clear blue sky turned into thick dark cloud. It was much darker than the photo I shared here and whole sky was heavily filled with it. I felt it was Donimo’s spirit giving me strength. It was the gentle kindness from the distance as Donimo always had for me. I felt she was assuring me that she was here with me and would look after Basil after his departure.
As the shock, sadness and pain eased, I could feel exactly the same kindness from the distance from her. I look at the sky and look for cloud now, as if I look for her.
It is a completely different process for Sarah and my friend, whom Donimo was an important part of their lives. Their grief started when Donimo made the decision and still going through intense emotions. I can only imagine how heartbreaking it had been for them to go through the plan with her…
Although my friend didn’t tell me about the plan as the respect for Donimo’s wish, I could feel her pain vividly even we only communicate over messaging.
I sincerely hope your pain will ease in due course and feel the same peace Donimo has.
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This is a part of my blog without the description of my grief to Basil.
I couldn’t separate two grieves I am having at the same time.